Making Sense of Your Story - Together
What neuroscience, Scripture, and story work teach us about integration, connection, and becoming freer humans.
Most of us think of our story as something that already happened.
Childhood. Adolescence. Early adulthood.
We survived it. We learned from it. We moved on.
But what if your story is not behind you?
What if it is quietly shaping the way you respond to your spouse, your children, your colleagues — even to God?
Long before you had a role — leader, parent, teacher, doctor, retiree — you were a child learning how to navigate love, power, fear, joy, and disappointment. You learned how to stay safe. How to be seen. How to avoid shame. How to manage anger.
Those lessons are still at work.
How Story Work Affects Every Role You Hold
For leaders, unexamined stories often show up as micromanagement, overwork, defensiveness, or conflict avoidance.
For parents, they may appear as overprotection, harshness, emotional distance, or unrealistic expectations.
For teachers, doctors, pastors, and caregivers, they can surface as burnout, boundary confusion, or the need to rescue.
For retirees, old identity wounds may emerge when achievement is no longer the primary marker of worth.
No one escapes the influence of their story.
But when we begin to “make sense” of it, something shifts.
Defensiveness softens.
Compassion increases — especially toward ourselves.
Our reactions slow down.
We gain freedom from negative thinking loops.
Our relationships grow steadier.
The Work of Healing Is Not Self-Indulgent
Many adults dismiss this work as unnecessary or self-focused. “That was a long time ago.” “My childhood wasn’t that bad.” “Other people had it worse.”
This work is not about comparison or minimizing.
It is about integration.
It is about recognizing that every story — even a “good” one — shapes how we experience power, love, risk, and connection.
When we ignore our story, it continues to quietly direct us. This leaves us ineffective to overcome common struggles such as: unhealthy habits, negative thinking patterns, irrational fears and more.
When we explore it, we regain choice.
And with choice comes freedom.
It Is Not Good to Be Alone — Especially With Your Story
Here is the deeper truth — one that is both biblical and neurological:
We were never meant to do this work alone.
From Genesis forward, Scripture tells us it is not good for humans to be alone. Modern neuroscience agrees. Daniel Siegel has shown that healing equals neural integration — the linking together of parts of the brain that have become disconnected through stress or trauma. And that integration most reliably happens in the presence of a safe, attuned other person.
He calls it “feeling felt.”
John Townsend has written extensively about the necessity of safe relationships for growth. God designed our nervous systems to regulate in connection. A loving, empathic witness is not optional to healing — it is central to it. For more, read John’s book, People Fuel.
Adam Young writes in Chapter 13 of Make Sense of Your Story, “What if you didn’t have to do this alone?” Your life will only fully make sense when others are empathically present to your story.
Healing happens when someone enters the vulnerable places with us — not to fix, not to advise, but to witness.
When we tell our story and someone stays and leans in.
When they reflect back what they see.
When they help us name what we could not name as children.
That presence rewires us.
So What Might This Look Like In Real Life?
You could participate in a professionally guided small group at the Allender Center, where your story is held with care and structure.
Or you could gather two or three trusted friends and read Make Sense of Your Story together. Yes, it will be a deeper “book club” than most. But it may also become one of the most meaningful seasons of connection you’ve ever experienced.
Invite each other to share a childhood memory.
Ask what you learned about love and conflict.
Listen without interruption.
Offer empathy before insight.
You do not need to become a therapist for one another. Adam Young’s book (Chapter 13) offers a simple pathway for engaging this work with safe friends.
This kind of nourishing connection changes how we lead, parent, practice medicine, teach, and love. It softens defensiveness. It reduces reactivity. It increases compassion. It brings peace into our homes.
Exploring your story is not self-indulgent. It is courageous. And it is deeply aligned with how God designed us — for connection, for truth, for healing in community.
You were shaped in relationship.
You will be healed in relationship.
And your story will make far more sense
when someone else is sitting beside you
as you tell it.