Don't Waste the Pause
Sometimes the most important thing we accomplish is simply making space to listen.
While I’m taking a little time away this week to enjoy the beauty of Maine with family and friends, I wanted to revisit one of my favorite essays.
Summer has a way of slowing us down—at least enough to notice what we’ve been too busy to hear. The pauses we often try to rush through can become the very places where clarity, creativity, and renewed purpose begin.
If you’re finding a few quiet moments this week, I hope this reflection encourages you to make the most of them.
For months, I found myself thinking deeply about a one-hour Zoom workshop I was scheduled to lead for 100 women leaders.
You would think that after forty years of coaching executives, this kind of thing would feel easy by now.
The pressure wasn’t coming from my client.
It was coming from me.
I wanted to offer something that would genuinely make a difference. Not just a pleasant hour of good content, but an experience that left people feeling seen, encouraged, and equipped to move forward.
But there was one problem.
How do you create meaningful transformation in a one-hour Zoom session with 100 busy leaders?
I wrestled with that question from the moment I accepted the invitation.
Have you ever committed to something important and quietly wondered whether you were truly capable of carrying it well?
As the workshop drew closer, I went into overdrive. I researched. Filled pages with notes. Deleted half of them. Asked trusted friends for ideas. Prayed. Opened my laptop. Closed it. Reopened it, secretly hoping the Holy Spirit and ChatGPT had collaborated while I was away.
Fear Narrows Us
Eventually, I recognized what was really happening.
I wasn’t stuck because I lacked ideas.
Fear had quietly taken up too much space.
Fear narrows our vision. It shifts our attention from people to performance, from curiosity to control, from creating value to avoiding failure. When fear occupies too much space, creativity quietly slips out the back door.
Once I recognized that, something began to change.
Not all at once.
But little by little.
As I prayed and reflected, my focus shifted away from my own performance and toward what these women might genuinely need.
That became the turning point.
The workshop centered on my Life As Art process—the idea that life isn’t merely something that happens to us. It’s something we intentionally create.
Early in the session, I shared a story from my own life.
Years ago, early in my coaching career, my mentor closed her business and moved away. Overnight, I found myself on my own—and completely unsure whether I had what it took to build a coaching practice.
There were failures. Financial stress. Moments of self-doubt. Seasons when I seriously considered giving up.
But I kept learning. I found new mentors. Invested in advanced training. Took one small step after another.
Little by little, I built a coaching practice that has now spanned four decades.
That experience taught me something I still believe deeply:
Sometimes our greatest struggles become the very experiences that shape us into who we are becoming.
Your Barriers Are Information
We explored the barriers that often keep us from pursuing meaningful goals: perfectionism, overwhelm, fear, procrastination, and uncertainty.
I suggested that our barriers are not our enemy.
They’re information.
Many of them once protected us.
But eventually, protective patterns can become limiting ones—like an overgrown plant trapped in a pot that’s too small.
One example was perfectionism.
The perfectionist often believes:
“I need to figure everything out before I begin.”
A healthier reframe might be:
“I can focus on the process instead of demanding a perfect outcome.”
We also explored the idea of agency—the ability to act, make wise choices, and respond from a place of responsibility rather than helplessness.
I shared honestly that while I had strong agency in building my business, there were seasons during my former marriage when I felt reactive, angry, helpless, and stuck.
Sometimes our barriers trigger old fears so deeply that we temporarily lose access to our strength and clarity.
Then something happened during the workshop that genuinely surprised me.
Permission to Pause
After several reflection exercises, we placed everyone into breakout groups of three with simple instructions:
No fixing.
No interrupting.
No advice.
Just listen.
Each woman had two minutes to share whatever she wanted—her goals, fears, struggles, or simply what she had noticed during the reflection.
Honestly, I expected most people to stay fairly guarded.
Instead, vulnerability filled the room.
When we returned to the larger group, women immediately began sharing deeply personal reflections. Others filled the chat with honest admissions about exhaustion, fear, hope, uncertainty, and longing.
You could almost feel the room exhale.
Not perfection.
Not polished leadership.
Presence.
Humanity.
Relief.
Connection.
And in that moment, I realized something important.
The greatest value of the workshop wasn’t simply the content I delivered.
It was the permission to pause.
Long enough to remember who they were beneath all the expectations they carried.
To stop performing.
To reconnect with themselves.
To discover they were not alone.
To realize their fears and imperfections did not disqualify them from growth or leadership.
I left the session unexpectedly energized.
Not because I had delivered the perfect workshop.
But because I had witnessed something we desperately need more of.
Human beings telling the truth.
Listening deeply.
Encouraging one another.
Remembering that growth rarely happens in isolation.
Don’t Waste the Pause
I think this is one of the great invitations hidden inside every pause—whether it’s a summer vacation, a retreat, a reflective conversation, or simply five quiet minutes before rushing into another meeting.
Don’t waste the pause.
The pause is often where clarity begins.
The pause is where fear softens enough for creativity to return.
The pause is where we remember what matters.
And sometimes, the pause is where we finally discover we are not nearly as alone as we thought.
As we closed the workshop, I encouraged the women to identify the one thing they most wanted to pursue and invite one or two trusted people to support them over the coming months.
I don’t know how many actually did.
But I know this.
I needed that reminder too.
Perhaps that’s another beautiful truth about leadership.
Sometimes the people we hope to encourage end up encouraging us right back.
Leadership Reflection
Leaders often believe they need better strategies.
Sometimes what they really need is a better pause.
This week, before solving another problem or checking another task off your list, spend ten quiet minutes asking yourself:
What have I been too busy to notice?
You may discover the clarity you’ve been searching for has been waiting in the silence.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10